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KIM ROSS: Morning Mumbles

April 1, 2014

Oh what a day — can we get some sunshine please! We were teased ever so slightly with the promise of a warm sunny spring day but no — we get rain and storms instead. Uggghhh.
Anyway, Pocola and Talihina voters remember to get out and vote as today marks the election of school bonds for both districts.

I must warn area drivers that travel on old Oklahoma Highway 112, there are idiots out there. This morning seems to be a Mario Andretti day for the majority of people driving. Guess their alarm clocks failed to sound at the right time and the whole world is late.
If by chance some of those drivers should read this — it is not cool to pass a vehicle already going faster than the posted speed limit — especially if you look like the Enterprise entering warp speed. Slow down before you kill someone.
But for those brave souls who continually defy death, here's a little Darwin Award for you.

As published on the Darwin Awards website:

(27 February 2012, North Carolina) "It was just a freak incident," said an investigator, that caused the death of 43-year-old Gary Allen Banning. Gary was at a friend's apartment when he spotted a salsa jar containing a mystery fluid. Thinking that it was an alcoholic beverage, he helped himself to a sizeable swig of gasoline! Naturally enough, he immediately spit out the offending liquid onto his clothes. Then, to recover from the shock, Gary lit a cigarette.
Whoosh! Gas+Flame=Combustion.
Firefighters responded to calls reporting a fire in the apartment, and found a badly burned man sitting on a charred carpet. The following morning, Gasoline Gary died at the UNC Burn Center in Chapel Hill.
Two mistakes caused his death. The first mistake was minor: gulping a golden liquid from a salsa jar. Although Darwin Awards editors feel that a jar of yellow liquid is best left sealed, drinking its contents usually does not lead to combustion. But the second mistake--lighting up a cigarette to recover from the shock of taking a mouthful of gasoline--was a decision that an average five year old would consider questionable. As the late Bill Hicks said, "Darn, we lost another idiot."
Gary's friend was a mechanic and kept the jar of gasoline near the kitchen sink to remove grease from his hands.

Have a great day and dear Oklahomans please remember to sniff before you get a snifter — that may not be moonshiine!

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