Thursday evening of last week, my he-man crew — Johnny T. Burgess, Dustin “Stone Cold” Reece, Eddie “Money” Sockey and yours truly — was at my shop building the “egg-a-nator.” It was a 7x7 feet chicken coop. It was most glorious when we finally got it built.
Last Friday, Steven Culwell from OK Foods donated 1,200 double-yolk eggs. Eddie and I loaded up the “egg-a-nator” and off to Balloonfest we went, along with Allan Hensley.
I got it all set up, and put on our overalls and goggles. Eggs were $10 per dozen or $1 per egg. Allan's wife, Crystal, and my wife, Jenny, were selling eggs, and everybody started throwing them. We lasted three hours before we had finally had enough. We had eggs in our ears, nose, mouth and hair — and every body hair was stuck! We were yellow and white, and looked like omelettes. All we needed was some sausage and biscuits! I had to drive home in my underwear because I was so nasty, and it took three showers to get it all off.
The next morning, I was still digging egg out of my nose and ears. This past Saturday, we started at 3 p.m. I can't believe how many people wanted to throw an egg at Allan and I. The eggshells that came through the chicken wire sliced Allan's head like little razor blades, and he was bleeding. But everybody that came up there, Allan was simply saying, “Come on, sugar!” Then, he'd blow them a kiss. They would get so mad. He stood up there with his hands behind his back, and took every egg straight on.
I, on the other hand, was running everywhere, trying to survive — that's called self-preservation. Mallory Clay stepped up, and told me not to move. I stood tall, and just when her egg was flying at my head, I turned to the right — and her egg went straight into my left ear! I now have only 50 percent hearing in my left ear.
Not to make fun of her, but Kaylee Sockey threw an egg over both of our heads, and hit one of the Kentucky Headhunters.
By 8 p.m., we had only 27 eggs left. Allan and I were so tired, and we just wanted to go home. We snuck out of our chicken coop, and Karri Patterson yelled out, “Get back in there — we can do this with just 27 eggs left!”
Afraid for our lives, we jumped back in. Then, it started lightning, and we hear a big storm was coming. I turned to Allan and said, “Let's go!” Then, all heck broke loose. Karri turned on us like a mother-in-law, and she started throwing eggs along with our wives and kids. Karri got one egg right in the mouth and was deadly accurate. Come to find out, she was some famous All-State softball player — no wonder she had that deadly aim.
Once again, I drove home in my Fruit of the Looms, and had egg in places I can't even talk about. I'm not complaining because we had a blast, but I need to tell you the results of the 1,200 eggs thrown at a human body.
I've had a fever and explosive diarrhea since 3 a.m. Monday. My lips are covered with fever blisters. I've got bruises all over my chest, and my back has not stopped aching. Oh, I still can't hear out of my left ear — LOL! I know this might be too much information, but you should know the before you try it.
But on a bright note, we raised $979 for the Poteau third-grade Bandit League football team. The Shropshire family donated $21 to make it an even $1,000. We are going to use it for jerseys, helmets and pads. I would like to thank everybody that helped out with this fundraiser, and Steven Culwell for donating the eggs. I went back to get the “egg-a-nator,” but it was gone! Billy Cook, what happened — call me.